Category Archives: Uncategorized

Speak English?

Walking on the streets of Paris, it’s obvious that people can detect Americans at a distance. I’m not always sure what gives us away (wearing shorts, sure). Often, it means a subtle shift in language that you have to pay attention to: a shopkeeper says “and is that all?” in English instead of the French equivalent.

The most noticeable thing that happens, though, is you attract gypsies. No, really. I was lucky enough to be warned early, but the first time I saw a barefoot girl in a flowing dress, walking around one of the riverside streets asking everyone she saw “Speak English?” I didn’t quite believe it.

The scam is that they ask anyone who looks touristy “Speak English?” and if they acknowledge at all that they do, they deploy a small piece of paper or worn cardboard, where someone’s written
Ladies and Gentlemen, I am from a family from Bosnia […] (so please give me money).

More or less. They are not, in case you are at this point curious, a family from Bosnia or wherever that particular plea claims.

If you read it and don’t refuse them immediately, they start pleading, making little hands-together praying to you gestures, and so on. I think many people give them money at this point to make them go away. Sometimes, if they sense opportunity, they’ll keep at someone who’s already given them money, though I rarely saw this. Once they got money, they walk away, sometimes turning it over in their hand before stuffing it in their moneybelt like the ones worn by people worried about being pickpocketed by gypsies.

What’s not clear is why they ask people if they speak English, and why they themselves don’t speak or pretend not to speak English, and are instead reduced to showing a sign to people, or why they don’t appear anything or dress anything like a standard Bosnian person.

Take a counter-example. Say that I flee the United States ahead of angry mob of rival bloggers, and end up in Mexico. Would I hang around tourist attractions in Mexico, asking everyone if they spoke Icelandic, and then showing them a plea, written in Icelandic, which I can neither speak or write, asking them for money?

The question is quite good. It’s in almost perfect American English, and your natural response is to say “yes” and then they have your attention.

Moreover, wahat the question does is filter out people in continental Europe who either have experience with gypsies or who have heard warnings about them. They’re either going to refuse a response because they don’t speak English (and probably recognize the pitch), or they’re going to refuse a response because they recognize the hustle. Leaving people from the UK who don’t know any better, or American/Canadian tourists who may have little experience with this kind of con.

So answering “yes” is like saying “I’m naïve and don’t understand what’s going on”. This is like slathering yourself in barbeque sauce and then jumping in to the lion exhibit at the zoo.

The thing to do is deny you speak English, even if they walk up to you while you’re talking in English, because it prevents the pitch (most of the time).

I’ve been approached on the streets, near the Louvre, near Notre Dame, but the Eiffel Tower provided the best example of this, because it has a great open square, where tourists enter and exit constantly, and where they move towards predictable queues, and sit along accessible benches.

We watched them work today for a while, and its fascinating. It’s a little like seeing ranchers at work. There were one to five girls, all fairly young (like late teens on) and they would circulate in almost random-seeming patterns, but manage to not approach the same person twice as they worked their way around the square. There was almost always one at the base of pillar as an elevator descended, letting off a pack of known tourists, but they would group and then disperse, staying just out of each other’s earshot, so if you were approached by one you were unlikely to hear the “Speak English?” of another from the same group.

They took breaks, maybe when they were tired or maybe when they felt they needed to let the ecosystem refresh itself, but they’d all find a spot of grass where they could lie down and talk. It’s probably even odds on whether they were talking shop – what wavering tone best worked on mothers with small kids – or trying to talk about anything but how depressing it must be to work crowds every day like that.

They made a lot of money.

They disappeared entirely when the French military guys showed up. The French run patrols around major landmarks seemingly at random, three uniformed, camoflague-clad soldiers with automatic rifles who saunter through, scanning the crowd around any important site. The British seemed to dislike displaying their military – in situations where something was serious enough to protect with uniformed officers (or enlisted personnel) with heavy personal weapons generally served as the second line of defense, ready to respond if something serious happened, but also content to let the London police be the face of security, unarmed though they were. But here in Paris, there they are, closely bunched like an invitation for a suicide bomber, walking along the Champs de Mars, serious as can be, occasionally helping a brave tourist unlose themselves.

I don’t know if this happens every time, or if it was coincidence, but while we were watching the “lost Bosnians” do their bee-dance we saw one of the threesomes of uniformed military walk in from the southeast, and suddenly they were all gone. They disappeared entirely, and we didn’t see any of them for a while.

Now, there are police around France (not many, it seems, but there are). I don’t know if they don’t particularly care, or if they would flee around them, but it seems like a good way not to be hassled on the street is to dress up as if you’re in the French army and carry an FN-FAL automatic rifle.

What I find even more interesting about this is that in a way, it’s like the battle between infection and an immune system. If you’re too gullible, you’re attacked from all sides by con artists of all kinds, who will take you for every cent you have (and can borrow from others). But you can’t counter-attack everyone, because almost everyone is innocent. In this case, it makes me much less likely to help people out while I’m traveling, if only because I’ve been made less willing to listen to their plea – whether they’re asking for a baguette, directions to an embassy, or money – because allowing myself to respond to pleas means I’d waste a lot of time.

Similarly, I’m dramatically less likely to talk to someone who is close to the description of the girl who hassled me repeatedly over a couple of days in different locations – which, in turn, I think reflects why people in France and Germany have such a low opinion of Gypsies in general, and means that if you were a Gypsie, and wanted to make an honest living, it’d be that much harder because no one trusted you.

You might soon be reduced to walking barefoot around tourist-rich areas of Paris, carrying a worn cardboard plea, asking “Speak English?”

I get shortchanged on the ÃŽle Saint-Louis

a) T-Mobile (and Starbucks) have no fucking clue what they’re doing with wifi points. I’m going to be asking for refunds shortly, because their well-run operation stopped, it seems, at the crossing.
b) I’m hoping this scrolls off before my parents chance to read this, but I had my first infuriating Parisian experience today. Short version –
There’s a grocer next to my parents’ hotel. Since they stay there often, they know the dude, whatever.
The last few days, we’ve hiked over to their hotel before we all head out.
Today, we stopped at the grocer to buy water, because it’s really hot here. We bought two .65E bottles of water for 1.30E. While I was working out the change in my head, my mom & wife were talking to the grocer, the grocer’s joking that I can just give it all to him and he’ll work it out. I’m reluctant to do this. I give him 2.30E in a two-euro coin and .30 in other change. He says “You pay big this time, next time you pay small.” I stare at him, stand there, wait. He doesn’t move. I stand there, hand out, expectent, and nothing. My mom & wife chat about moving on, everyone else in Paris has been nice and helpful, plus he knows my parents– I figure it’s good. Plus, it’s my mom’s birthday, I don’t want to cause some big scene.
I stew about this for some time, in particular his refusal to hand over a euro when clearly I was not into his “wheel of karma” argument. It pisses me off.
Then later, after we’ve hiked around and whatever, we stop in to buy crackers, more water, etc. This is a perfect opportunity for him to give me that euro he owes me, or even a good faith chunk of it. Nope, exact change.
Bonus incident: I’m stewing some more about this, and complain to my dad while birthday mom is up in her room. He expresses consternation, not because I’ve been ripped off for 1E by someone he knows and does business with all the time, but in his words “I just can’t figure out why he’d do that” which, to translate, is “I don’t think that happened, or at least not in the way you describe it” which, to digress, was probably the most infuriating thing about my youth, which – and I freely admit this as much my fault for being delinquent all the time as anything – had any number of incidents where it was my entirely truthful word against someone (generally a teacher or other authority figure) else’s story, and they’d totally buy mine. In this case, the essential implication is that I, a former cashier myself and not a s dull knife at this, must somehow be responsible.

Anyway. Fuck you, grocer on ÃŽle Saint-Louis! This is why visitors get bad impressions. Everyone else is kind and nice, and you fuck it up for them.

I’m not sure what the proper Parisian response is: graffiti or brick-through-window. I’ll ask at the hotel front desk tomorrow, see what they say.

CGTB version four

I hate hate hate working on this thing while I’m on vacation, but I knew what I was signing on for, years ago.

Edits have been pretty light, I’m about ~100 pages through them and they’re going pretty fast. Unfortunately my ability to do research from here, where internet access is horrible, price and unreliable even where available, is pretty limited, so I’ve been unable to answer some re-re-research questions. We’ll see what happens.

Al Gore is following me

I’m in Europe, Expedia launches my cool carbon credit thing (fight global warming!) and Al Gore’s hanging around. He was in Edinburgh with me, and he’s been running around the UK praising the country for trying to beat its Kyoto obligations to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

I’m a fan. I know Gore’s a pretty polarizing guy, but I was a fan back when he was leading nuclear arms reduction pushes from the Senate, and I’m still a fan.

Anyway, while here, I’ve been trying to read all the papers I can, and I came across a London Times editorial that argued – in print! In the Times! that argued that we couldn’t really know if global warming was man-made until NASA got some more satellites up, since it could just be the sun.

This is one of the big myths of the global warming ostrich crowd (part of the “we don’t know enough to act yet” bundle), and pretty easily debunked. And yet I had to wonder – Al Gore’s in town, the UK’s doing good work, and they ran that editorial? Why?

(as an aside, since I can write endless annoying asides on my blog – run a google search for “global warming myth” and you’ll get one of the more disturbing sets of results I’ve ever seen)

Anyway, hi Al! We should chat sometime about creating market-based incentives for greenhouse reduction. I know what I’m talking about, I got something out there (well, sorta, since I wasn’t there for the implementation) — drop me a line.

Or… does anyone know him? Want to give me an intro?

I started a longer post on the carbon credit thing I hope to post today. Later dudes.

Life of a good idea, deployment

It’s out.

Here’s the short, complete history of the idea, then:
– I thought about this and a couple ways to do it
– I write up a pitch idea, send it to a short list
– They flip out, give me feedback
– I go to a wider group, they flip out
– I start pushing it upwards, struggle, find allies, struggle
– Repeat that last one for a while
(- I quit)
– It gets picked up
(- I leave)
– A competitor announces a similar idea
– It goes out into the world

I knew I said I’d have longer commentary about this, but
a) Internet’s really tough to come by here in Edinburgh
b) I’m finally starting to get into vacation mode and I’m just not quite in the mood

Life of a good idea, horrible moment

So the whole time I was shopping this thing, one of the points I kept pounding was ‘We have to do this if for no other reason that it’s cheap and the companies who come second get no benefit’

Travelocity just did a version of it, and I still haven’t seen an Expedia press release.

Today, many of us recycle and walk, bike, or take public transportation when we can, but there’s still no way to get across the country or ocean in time for that important meeting or family event – or to reach that great vacation spot out of driving distance– unless we get on a plane. And while air travel is considered a contributor to the carbon dioxide emissions that lead to global warming, now there’s something you can do to offset the negative environmental impact of your travel: by contributing to The Conservation Fund’s Go Zero program, you can effectively offset the CO2 emissions of your entire trip.

So first-mover advantage is gone… hopefully they can still salvage some good from this.

I’ll have somthing more substantial to say later, but my first reaction is (as you’d expect) ‘If they’d listened to the good idea immediately and moved on it, they’d have deployed long ahead of the competition.’

It’s another point in favor of working somewhere really small or, barring that, really agile. I guess my former employer wasn’t it. This sucks.

MacBook Pro, day 2

I spent today wandering around the web, loading up a bunch of recommended software, and I’m really digging this thing. It’s fast, it’s elegant, it’s hackable.

My only complaint so far is that it runs way hot, to the point of being difficult to actually use on my lap comfortably.

It’s weird, I spent time using a PowerBook on and off at Expedia, but I never really got the hang of it. With a new one, I’m using some hotkeys, playing around, and it’s far more enjoyable. This thing rocks. I’m going to have a hard time giving it up, if that’s what it comes to.

What’s next

Many of you are wondering what happens now that I’ve turned in RC1. Except that there aren’t many of you, and you weren’t wondering that.

So I talked to my editor today and here’s what it looks like:
– next couple of days-2 weeks: I get the next batch of edits back, which should, hopefully, be all minor polishes. I will be on vacation, working on my hot, hot, hot new MacBook Pro, which I totally don’t have the money for and am hoping to sell used if it comes to that on my return.
– hopefully this means I’m not in Toledo, sipping on red wine while I fix things. Plus my ability to do research without my books and boxes on boxes of notes and photocopies is going to be pretty limited.

Side note: holy mackeral is this MacBook beautiful. Apple, to make sure the MacBook meets Apple’s exacting standards for items I buy, took special care to make the keys at the top left look a little blistered. $3,000 laptop. One of the things Apple does really well is make opening the computer a pleasure – it’s all so easy and each step is obvious, like unwrapping a candy. Design makes a difference.

– then when we’ve agreed on a version that can go to press, it goes to the manuscript people, who give it a severe series of readings for typos, fragmented sentences, and so on. That should be about 6 weeks from now, which is a good argument for me not to hurry back to work

– I fix everything the manuscript people come up with. I don’t know how long that’ll take, but typos aren’t that tough to do edits on. So let’s say it’s… first week of October.

Then nothing happens for four months while it gets printed, and then bam! It comes out in February.

Now, whether I try and get another book project together or go back into IT is another thing entirely. We’ll see, I guess. If I don’t, it seems likely that I’d have to sell off this sweet-looking laptop with the slightly blistered keys.