In case of emergency, wiggle

I’ve been doing a huge amount of space-related research as part of the book I’m working on, and today I came across this, which I thought I’d share. It’s from an actual space shuttle schematic, a “penetration guide” on how to cut the thing open in case of… I’m not sure why you’d ever need to do this, but anyway:


“Dear God! We have to get into that orbiter immediately!”
“What do we do?”
“Use your Q-34 Penetrator Tool, quickly!”
“Are you coming on to me?”
“There’s no time for that! Shove it in there approximately two feet!”
“Okay! Now what?”
“Wiggle it around.”
“Have you penetrated and destroyed the metal filter which is flush with the payload bay liner?”
“Um… no?”
“Oh well, it’s too late. What do you say we go get a beer or something?”