Here’s the EULA for SyncBackSE, one of the candidates for “program I’d be using to back up remotely”. For ease of reading, I’ll bold the particularly horrible section:
SOFTWARE is provided as is without warranty of any kind. To the maximum extent permitted by applicable law, 2BrightSparks Pte Ltd its suppliers, its distributors, and its affiliates, or others who may offer SOFTWARE, will not be liable for any damages whatsoever, whether direct or indirect, special, incidental, consequential, or punitive of any kind (including but not limited to damages for: loss of profits, loss of confidential or other information, business interruption, personal injury, loss of privacy, failure to meet any duty – including of good faith or of reasonable care – negligence, and any other pecuniary or other loss whatsoever) arising out of, or in any way related to the use of, or inability to use our SOFTWARE or support services, or the provision of or failure to provide support services, or otherwise under, or in connection with SOFTWARE documentation, or any provision of these terms and conditions, even if 2BrightSparks Pte Ltd or any supplier, distributor, or its affiliates has been advised of the possibility of such damages.
Really? I don’t even get good faith? If someone files a bug and says “on alternate Tuesdays when I run SyncBackSE it deletes my files and then overwrites them with 0s and 7s repeatedly to eliminate any chance I might recover them” and they don’t fix it, ever, I can’t do anything?
Oh, and it gets better:
2BrightSparks Pte Ltd furthermore disclaims all warranties, including without limitation any implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, and on infringement.
Even if you pierce all of that, you get your money back, and that’s it:
Any liability of the seller will be limited exclusively to product replacement or refund of purchase price.
Data destroyed because we totally sent all your backup files to a data haven in the Dutch Antilles? How about a copy of the next incremental version, in which we may or may not have fixed that bug. After all, it’s not as if we’re bound by even a requirement to make a good faith effort to solve it. Or, specifically:
2BrightSparks Pte Ltd is not obligated to provide support, maintenance, or updates for the SOFTWARE (either by email, phone, or otherwise).
And yet on their product page:
SyncBackSE ensures your most valuable asset, data, remains protected
No it doesn’t. It fucking well does not. SyncBackSE explicitly does not ensure your most valuable asset, data, remains protected.
I looked it up ensure on M-W:
: to make sure, certain, or safe : guarantee
Argh. This stuff drives me nuts.